


that’s wrong, stop judging me

by melancholic_mika



Series: logan and the others didn't get permission for this feel trip [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Bad Feels, Denial, Gen, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Logan Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Panic Attacks, analogical - Freeform, boyfriend - Freeform, but uh, he don’t want feelings, heavy denial man, mainly the first two, not sides in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:15:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholic_mika/pseuds/melancholic_mika
Summary: logan’s in denial about what he’s going through, virgil (with the help of his pals) tries to figure out what and how to help.maybe virgil isn’t the only one with anxiety after all.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: logan and the others didn't get permission for this feel trip [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699528
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	1. You’re wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> tw: anxiety (mentions of the attacks, description of the attacks in action will be in this fic but not this chapter, just broad mentions) and denial. also bad medication health (he stops taking them without the doctors advice) i’m kinda just like venting but not quite? multiple chapter book ahah love y’all x mikki

Logan Berry was always a ‘gifted child.’ He got perfect grades and he was well respected by his teachers and his family. Despite his pun of a name, Logan always aimed to be productive and professional at all costs. After all, he was an intelligent person (even though the ways of testing intelligence are extremely flawed and the system sucks) and had potential to go places when he was older. Obviously, it was clear to see a lot of pressure was placed onto Logan as a child and Logan knew that.

Around the time puberty hit, Logan had his first panic attack in class. He was in the middle of a test when the pressure just came crashing down, he felt in danger and scared. He may or may not have started stress crying and hyperventilating and the teacher may have sent him home. Logan refused to acknowledge this however. The teacher told his parents about their perspective and his parents, who were hypochondriacs, immediately sent Logan to a doctor due to the fear of him having a dangerous disease or condition. Logan hated every second of the discussion. This wasn’t very professional nor productive, in his opinion.

When the doctor stated that Logan might be suffering from an anxiety disorder and recommended a psychologist and psychiatrist to help him, he was ashamed. No, anxiety wasn’t professional at all. He wasn’t going to let himself be scared. After further appointments and months of months of discussion, they diagnosed Logan with GAD and gave him some medication to help with the imbalance of chemicals in his brain. Logan treated his new diagnosis with shame and hid it from anyone that was not his personal doctor or his parents. 

No matter what symptoms he showed or whether he was having an anxiety attack, he did not have anxiety. He can’t have anxiety. The doctor was obviously wrong, he was professional and this? Hardly emotionless and professional, was it?

He met his friends after he moved out. The twins, Roman and Remus, and his other friends Janus, Patton and Virgil. Soon after that, Virgil and him became close and for the first time ever he had a boyfriend. His boyfriend however, also had anxiety and probably picked up on the symptoms Logan showed. Even though the two were close, Logan was still ashamed to tell Virgil anything.

Because he didn’t have anxiety. He can’t. He won’t because he doesn’t have emotions. And if that meant him stopping his medication to show the world so, he would do that.


	2. I don’t have anxiety.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> logan is in denial. tw: anxiety and he’s being unhealthy and skipping medication. also an anxiety attack. thanks for being interested in this :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> repeating it here in case it’s missed, tw: anxiety and he’s being unhealthy and skipping medication. also an anxiety attack (kinda not that big) and swearing! i’m sorry i’m a potty mouth :(( stay safe ily x also i said it was going to be in first person i- sorry it’s in third but it’s his thoughts and dialogue etc. i’m bad at first now :((

Logan sat in his study, looking at the reminder on his phone. It simply read take medicine. It was something simple so he wouldn’t forget however, he quickly dismissed it and went on reading his book. A part of him was screaming at him, this wasn’t healthy, it could cause effects. It could be extremely dangerous for him to do this without his doctor’s advice! What was he thinking? Logan however repressed that thought down, he didn’t need the medicine, he didn’t have anxiety. Nor did he have any emotions of the sort. He was professional and well-behaved. He was absorbed in his book until he heard a quiet knock at the door. It was his boyfriend, Virgil. “Hey Lo, what you up to?” Logan turned his head to the door where Virgil was entering from. Logan closed his book and turned his chair around to face in Virgil’s direction. He had his signature hoodie with ripped jeans and his smudged eyeliner. He looked very ‘emo nightmare like’ as Roman would call it. Logan wasn’t really on social media much so he really didn’t know what Roman was on about half the time. All he knows was it was strangely appealing. Before his brain went on a loop about how Virgil looked, his voice cut through. “I’m kinda hungry, L. Wanna come for a walk with me to that pizza place around the corner?”

“I don’t know, depends. I ‘dibs’ not ordering,” Logan wasn’t that socially unaware, he knew about dibs. He didn’t want to order. His thoughts teased him about how he was avoiding situations that made him anxious, but this wasn’t anxiety. No. He didn’t have it, this was him just avoiding seeming unprofessional by messing up, that’s all. 

“Aw fuck, I don’t wanna order either. Eh, fuck it, I want pizza. C’mon, let’s go,” Virgil grabbed Logan’s arm and started dragging towards the door. “Oh wait, fuck. I need my wallet!” He yelled, running back to his room to grab it. Logan chuckled before Virgil came back and they started walking towards the store. However, Logan started to get an ‘icky’ feeling in his chest.

Logan tried his hardest to push it down and ignore it, even though Janus would lecture at him about repression. Sadly, it wasn’t working so he kept walking, trying to not let Virgil see how weak he was being. He was professional and this was frankly childish. No. He was better than this. The thoughts, however, wouldn’t go away. Something was going to happen to him and Virgil. He couldn’t stop it, he was worried for the both of them. Oh no. ‘How do I stop it? How do I stop it?!’ He frantically thought but the worrisome thoughts just kept rolling down the metaphorical hill. ‘You’re in danger. You’re in danger. Run! You’re a fucking idiot if you do not run right now!’

“...L? Logan! Are you okay?” Virgil appeared directly in his vision, his face full of concern. Logan was almost hyperventilating and he was glad he didn’t start right in front of him. He has convinced him so far, he convinced everyone. “L, talk to me. You all good? What’s going on?”

Logan cleared his throat and quickly thought of a lie, which he hated to admit he was rather good at. “I’m sorry, I have a headache and the bright sunlight isn’t making it much better. I apologise and should have told you,” He almost sighed in relief when Virgil put his hand on his shoulder and smiled. 

“You could have told me, I wouldn’t have made you come. You can go home if you like, I can handle it,” Virgil replied but Logan shook his head. He felt like pizza, he was hungry and plus, he wasn’t ordering and this place wasn’t busy so he could calm down while they waited.

“It’s okay, Virgil. I’m not going to leave you here on your own. Let’s go get some food before it gets too busy,” Logan spoke before the two of them went on their way to the pizza store. Logan thought he had handled the situation well.

But Logan isn’t as believable as he thinks. Virgil isn’t stupid. Something was up and Virge knew he needed to figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading so far :)) this is based off my own experiences so it may seem different to how you think of it, idk :)) feel free to leave comments if you want, i love seeing people actually enjoying my writing. x <3


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